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I get sick to my stomach…

Posted by Sandra on April 14, 2009

When I read about someone blogging about Ferberizing or Sleep Training (neglect cry-it-out) their poor little dependent being that wants nothing more than her mama’s love, and will be denied.

Just makes me want to throw up, it’s so sad.

That’s all.  I need to stop reading some blogs, but it’s like driving by a car accident – I don’t want to see the gore, but I read out of some sick sense of curiousity.

Then I get sad.  And then I hug my babies closer.

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7 Responses to “I get sick to my stomach…”

  1. Monica said

    I totally agree Sandra. They are only babies for a short time…and why waste that precious time making them “cry it out” when all they want is to be held. It’s so sad.

  2. suehaydon said

    Sandra, I have just read your post. I wanted to comment because I am a parent who used the cry-it-out method. I think that every family needs to evaluate their family situation and make a decision that is best for them. Not every method works for every family or for every child. The Cry-it-out method worked best with us and our son. I have a neighbor who has done attachment parenting with their child and they are still waking up every 2 hour in the night with their 8 month old. I think they are great parents and I did not criticize them for their parenting decisions. But my neighbor (and good friend) is extremely tired and worn out. They have decided to do a modified cry-it-out method with their son. They sit next to the crib (he use to sleep in bed with them) and pat him on the back. It has been about a month, and he is only waking once in the night now for a feeding. The mother is extremely happy to finally be getting some sleep after 8 months. I think that a parents well being is just as important as the child’s well being. If a parent is sleep deprived or exhausted, it makes it hard to give the proper care for your child. Also, we must take into consideration the temperament of every child. Some children are born good sleepers, while other are not. The children who are poor sleepers need some guidance to get them to sleep better. I don’t believe that the cry-it-out method is the only method for achieving this goal- there are plenty of books out there that give different suggestions. So don’t be so quick to judge a parent’s choice. I don’t judge parents for subscribing to attachment parenting just because I don’t it with my son. I think the most important thing is that children are well taken care of and feel loved.

    • Sandra said

      That’s very sad that the baby now knows no one cares enough to come and love him, so he stays quiet and scared in bed. How does a child feel loved when their needs are blatantly and deliberately ignored? There is no child with a temperament that requires neglect. Leaving a child to cry themselves to sleep is pure and simple neglect of their need for love. And that need is absolutely as important as food or water. So what if the child is still waking at 8 months? That’s absolutely, 100% normal. That’s called BEING A MOM. Perhaps before someone has children they need to evaluate what actually goes into it – babies aren’t born little adults, and there will be a year or more of helping the child sleep well. Some children don’t do it until after 2 – and in reality, most never do it at all, just like adults – but by their own NATURAL timeline, their own biological clock, by their own ability to meet the need to soothe themselves back to sleep, most parents aren’t aware that baby still wakes up at the age of 3 and later. Parenting is a 24 hour a day job, and the early, most important developmental years, go so fast, that there is never a need to ignore your child’s needs.

      You won’t “win” this argument with me. There are too many absolute factual studies out there showing the damaging effects of CIO – raised blood pressure, release of hormones and endorphins, etc. etc. etc. A mom that is ignoring a child’s need to be parented to sleep is only doing it because it’s not convenient for them to actually parent this little dependent being in the manner in which they deserve. I hope you are never left alone in a room, dry and fed, but blatantly ignored because your husband has something better to do, like watch TV or take a nap. That would be a sad day indeed.

      • suehaydon said

        Sandra, I am glad you are passionate about what you believe in. You also sound like you are a fantastic mom to your children, who must love them a ton! They are blessed to have such a caring parent like you. I love my son to death and I know he feels loved even though we have chosen to parent differently. I am not trying to win an argument with you at all. I just wanted to share with you my thoughts.

        My son still wakes in the middle of the night every now and again. I go to him in the middle of the night to check on him even though we have finished sleep training a long time ago. I go to him because I know that if he is crying, he must need me. Usually now when he awakes in he middle of the night it is because there is a need. The other night he woke up at 5am crying. I went in there to check on him and he seemed okay physically so i thought he might be hungry so i tired to nurse him. He did not really seem interested in the nursing. I think he just wanted to snuggle with me. So I just held him in the rocking chair and rocked with him until he fell asleep in my arms. I love those mommy moments when you get to snuggle with your baby. I don’t neglect my son ever.

        Thank you for allowing to leave a comment on your sight. Again let me say, I seem to be a fantastic mom and I respect you for it!

  3. Moody Monica said

    Sue,

    I certainly mean no disrespect…but if you have left your “baby” to cry himself to sleep…that is neglect. Just because some so called “expert” gave it a name (sleep training? For heavens sakes!) doesn’t make it right.
    My kids are teenagers now and I am certainly glad that when I think back to that very short period of time when they were baby’s…my memory is of those nights are…just the two of us rocking, listening to music, and gently comforting them to sleep…not laying in my bed listening to them cry.

  4. suehaydon said

    I know you mean no disrespect. You are just sharing your opinion. Take Care!

  5. dinainsuburbia said

    My daughter is 2 1/2…. I’ve never been able to cry-it-out with her.. ever. When I hear her crying, my body springs into action before I can even have a thought.

    Is it annoying sometimes to have feet in the ribs at night when my daughter would rather sleep with us? Well, sometimes.. BUT I know these moments will be treasured one day when she is 16 and slamming her bedroom door in my face!

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