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She’s gone.

Posted by Sandra on October 14, 2008

My sister in law has lost the war to the liver and brain cancer that was so painful, so determined, so evil.

A few minutes ago, as my brother held her in his arms, she went to the Lord.  At least she’s whole now – no pain, no holes in her body, no more tests, no more operations, no more pokes and prods.  No more scarves to cover the hairless scalp.  No more needing my brother to lovingly help her drink through a straw, help her to the bathroom.  No more drugs to help her make it through the day, no more sleepless nights.

Is it wrong to think that there’s some degree of relief in this sorrow?  Is it bad to feel that somewhere in the mind of the caregiver, a semblance of freedom can exist?  The knowledge that she’s safe in God’s arms, and that at the young age of 48, there’s still a life to be had?  To be enjoyed even?  Knowing there will be a period of grief, and pain that will probably never go away but just lessen over time… can he again feel whole?  Without the wife, friend, lover of nearly 30 years by his side, can he find another to love?  Another friend to hold?  Or would he rather muddle through alone, having his children and his grandchildren to fill his hours and days with love and happiness?

Knowing my brother, he will love again.  Hesitantly, maybe.  But he’s so full of love, humor, happiness – I think he’ll need to share. 

My heart really hurts for him, for my nieces and nephews, for their children.  I can only imagine this as being one of the worst things to have to suffer through in a lifetime – burying a spouse, a child, a parent.  I’ve been fortunate in my life not to have had these hurdles to overcome, but I know someday I will.  I do not know how I’ll handle myself at that time, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Hopefully we’ll be waiting a very long time.

 

Carol, you will be missed.

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2 Responses to “She’s gone.”

  1. Jackie said

    I will have you and you family in my Prayers!!

  2. […] this beloved member of their family had a truly profound effect on me.  As I mentioned in “She’s Gone“, Carol is the closest person to me that I’ve ever had pass.  It affected me in ways […]

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