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I didn’t realize I was such a horrid mama…

Posted by Sandra on July 18, 2008

Until I started visiting internet birth boards.  Wow.  There are some truly perfect mothers out there!

I mean, how can you compete with this:

TV?  My child won’t even go in the same ROOM that a television is in until they’re at least two.  Possibly 10.  I don’t know yet – I don’t have any kids, but this is what I will do.  I read that TV is baaaaadddd.  I actually think it’s the Devil incarnate.  That’s what the book says, anyways.

Food?  By golly, I’m growing all of precious Timmy’s food.  Nothing has passed his lips that wasn’t grown right here in my back yard.  A grocery store?  Are you MAD????  You can’t buy good food from a grocery store!!!! I raised this pig from an egg.  He’s only eaten whole grains – that I grew right over there.  Nothing else is good enough for MY baby.  And, let’s not forget, pureed until Kindergarten.  At least.

… oh, and never ever EVER can you get healthy food at a restaurant.  Hubby and I know we will be going out to one in 18 years, when we send Junior off to Harvard.  Until then, there’s no way eww restaurant food could pass his tender lips.

My child only is allowed one toy at Christmas.  We give the rest to charity.  Grandma really resents the fact that I’m so strict and she can never give her widdle grandbaby anything, but it’s for the good of my baby. 

Soda?  Heck, I have a teenager that’s never even tasted it.  Yeah – he’s never sworn either.  Really.  I know this.

I have all of their water shipped in from the Arctic – nothing but pure spring water, run thru a distiller twice, and then boiled.  Three times. 

A taste of ice cream at the age of 6 months?  GASP!  Well, I never!  I can’t believe any responsible mother would allow such a detriment.  That’s just ASKING for obesity and diabetes.  I’ll bet baby has it right now, as a matter of fact.

ROCK my baby to sleep?  Are you insane?  That means I’ve started a bad habit and will have to rock my baby to sleep all the way to high school – maybe even later. 

I could go on, I suppose… but I put Ayla in front of the TV watching cartoons while I typed this. 

Ahhh.  And what nearly every visitor to these boards know, is that typing the holier-than-thou statements and living up to them are two realllly different things.  As you sit there, preaching your quotes from the “experts”, we know your child sits on the floor eating a cracker from a box, drinking water from the tap, while you sneak a french fry to him on occasion.

And you know what?  That’s OKAY!!!  Your child will be perfectly fine.  Why hide behind what you THINK people want to hear, and just be honest.  What does it matter?  It doesn’t.  You are not, and never will be, perfect.  You can try to sound that way in your words, but we all know better.  Why paint a picture that no one’s gonna buy?  If you like looking at it, peachy.


Don’t get me wrong.  I know there’s the couple of people that really do live that way.  I know there’s a lot that change their minds about all that is “right” after they actually have a child.  But the vast majority – nahhhh.

And those are my thoughts for today.


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